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Вряд ли кому под силу произвести хоть сколько-нибудь достоверный анализ тех сил, что переворачивают мир в волшебные моменты любви. Я же попытаюсь назвать некоторые из них. Это было любопытство, очень мощное, доходящее до возбуждения. И конечно же, было сексуальное влечение, в этом не приходится сомневаться. Оно подхлестывало мое возбуждение, но не оно было ему причиной, по крайней мере, оно не было единственной причиной. Быть рядом с этой чудесной девушкой значило для меня гораздо больше, чем возможность сексуального удовлетворения. В тот момент я не мог рассуждать в соответствии со стандартами строгой логики, но мне кажется, у меня было интуитивное предощущение того, что нам предстоит пережить и прочувствовать вместе - неповторимый опыт сочувствия, совместного постижения мира, семейного сожительства, рождения детей, дружбы и нужды друг в друге. А может быть, я думаю так теперь, с высоты прожитых лет. Сексуальное влечение пронизывало теплый воздух и лунный свет, струящиеся с ночного неба над Миссисипи.
В то время я уже изучал биологию, психологию и социологию брака и семьи, и все же не мог даже представить себе все те испытания, через которые нам пришлось пройти в первые 10-15 лет нашей совместной жизни, пока мы заканчивали учебу, искали свое место в жизни, растили детей. Теперь-то я понимаю, что мне крупно повезло, ибо я до сих пор люблю и наслаждаюсь любовью, которая от времени и испытаний только набрала сил.
В тот вечер мы также испытали огромную радость. Нам было радостно быть вместе. Казалось, каждый из нас поощрял другого к улыбкам и смеху.
Невозможно измерить ту радость, которую мы дарили друг другу. Потом было много медлительных прогулок рука об руку. Потом были годы студенчества, встреча после войны, рождение детей, наш первый настоящий дом после нескольких лет скитаний с квартиры на квартиру, год в Париже, гордость за достижения детей, полгода в Москве, месяц в горах, путешествие по Китаю и множество тихих, спокойных вечеров дома - в кабинете или перед камином.
Но можно ли сказать, что мы всегда искрились радостью и весельем? Нет. Конечно же, нет. Разумеется, мы любили друг друга, и любовь дарила нам восторг, возбуждение и радость. Но когда имеешь дело с любовью, а ведь любовь - это всегда отношения между двумя людьми, то невозможно исключить возможность пробуждения любых эмоций, на которые только способен человек. В мире нет человека, к которому я испытывал бы такую же нежность и любовь, какие я испытываю к моей жене, но, пожалуй, никто не сможет вызвать во мне такое же раздражение и злость, какие подчас вызывает она. Когда мы вступали в брак, мы понимали, что чем-то не схожи между собой, но все различия казались нам ничтожными по сравнению с силой нашей любви. Мы по-разному распоряжались временем, у нас были разные вкусы, разный темперамент, разные интересы.
Я - ученый, и мое поведение, по крайней мере до некоторой степени, определяется научным мировоззрением и отношением к жизни. Барбреллен - человек театра, актриса и распорядитель с душой художника. Я поясню свою мысль. Барбреллен все постигает интуитивно и мгновенно. Мне потребовалось очень много времени, чтобы понять, каким образом ей удается так мгновенно улавливать суть вещей, определять, что это <отменно>, а это <никуда не годится>. Теперь мы смеемся над нашими различиями, мы чаще находим их забавными, нежели ссоримся из-за них. Но сколько раз они становились поводом для самого пылкого гнева!
Бывали моменты, когда наша любовь становилась для меня источником страха. Это случалось тогда, когда мне казалось, что любовь кончилась или что я могу потерять ее. Конечно, такое бывало нечасто, но мой страх был вполне осязаем.
Если ревность рождается в детстве, то наибольшей силы она достигает в отношениях романтической любви. Впервые ревность приходит к ребенку, когда он чувствует, что может лишиться внимания и любви матери. Боязнь утраты любви, помноженная на страсть романтического чувства, приобретает особую силу. Ревность включает в себя эмоции гнева и страха. Гнев порождается мыслью о том, что вами пренебрегли, что вас предали. Возможность потерять любимого человека, его любовь, а вместе с нею и уважение к себе вызывает страх.
Наверное, размышляя о феномене любви, полезно вспомнить о проведенном нами различии между любовными переживаниями и любовными отношениями. Любовные переживания всегда сопряжены с эмоциями радости и интереса. Напротив, в любовных отношениях может быть задействован весь спектр эмоций, но длительными бывают только такие отношения, которые включают в себя глубокую заинтересованность любящих людей друг в друге, гордость за достижения друг друга и радость от совместного бытия.
РЕЗЮМЕ
Любовь - фундаментальное для человеческой природы чувство, но ее нельзя отнести к дискретным эмоциям, таким как радость или печаль. Эмоциональная связь междудетьми и родителями, между братьями и сестрами, между супругами является неотъемлемой частью нашего эволюционного наследия. Любовь объемлет собой социальные отношения, прочную привязанность, эмоциональную связь. Любовь характеризуется интересом и радостью, а любовные отношения могут пробуждать весь спектр эмоций.
Есть различные типы любви, и в каждом из них любовь проявляется по-своему. Так, романтическая любовь подразумевает сексуальное влечение, а сиблинговая любовь - нет. Но все типы любви имеют некоторые общие признаки, такие как привязанность, верность, преданность, желание защищать любимого человека и заботиться о нем.
ДЛЯ ДОПОЛНИТЕЛЬНОГО ЧТЕНИЯ
Berschied Е.,Рер1аи L. A. The emergingscience of relationships. - In: H. H. Kelly, E. Berschiod, A. Christensen, J. H. Harvey, T. L. Huston, G. Levinger, E. McClintock, L. A. Peplau, D. R. Peterson (Eds.). Close relationships. - New York, W. H. Freeman, 1983, 1-19.
Обобщающая работа по современным исследованиям и теориям интимных взаимоотношений.
Coleman С., Ganong L. H. Love and sex role stereotypes: Do macho men and feminine women make better lovers? - Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 1985, 49(1). 170-176.
Исследовано влияние сексуально-ролевой ориентации на чувства и поведение, связываемые с любовью.
Dunn J'., Munn P. Becoming a family member: Family conflict and the development of social understanding. - Child Development, 1985, 56, 480-492.
Показано раннее возникновение привязанностей и конфликтов у детей и понимание ими эмоций, выражаемых в семье.
Hat field E., Schmitz E., Cornelius 1., Rapson R. L. Passionate love: How early does it begin? - Journal of Psychology and Human Sexuality, 1988. 1(1), 35-51.
Обзор теорий и исследований, посвященных романтической либо страстной любви. Сделана попытка определить страстную любовь. Обсуждается роль психологического возбуждения, положительных и отрицательных эмоций.
Stenberg R. A. triangular theory of love. - Psychological Review, 1985, 93, 1 19-135.
Теория любви, в которой страсти, интимности и привязанности отводится роль динамических факторов, используемых для объяснения природы любовных взаимоотношений.
White G. L., FishbeinS., RutsteinJ. Passionate love and the misattribution of arousal.-- Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 1981, 41, 56-62.
Исследование воздействия несексуального романтического возбуждения на романтические чувства и сексуальную привлекательность.

эпилог
В последней работе, посвященной роли эмоций в эволюции человека, автор определил их как <специфические состояния, сформированные естественным отбором, способствующие адаптации в специфических ситуациях> (Nesse, 1990, р. 261). Автор, следом за другими процитированными выше учеными, утверждает, что специфические эмоции, и в частности их нейронный, поведенческий и переживатель-ный компоненты, повышают способность индивидуума распоряжаться возможностями, соответствовать требованиям и противостоять угрозам социальной и физической среды.
Этот учебник во многом испытал на себе влияние эволюционистской точки зрения, в нем я попытался представить теоретические и экспериментальные данные, подтверждающие идею о том, что эмоции сыграли весьма важную роль в эволюции человека, что они продолжают играть существенную роль в индивидуальном развитии человека, помогают ему адаптироваться к изменчивым условиям жизни. Эмоции выполняют эти функции благодаря своей способности организовывать и мотивировать когнитивные процессы и поведение, необходимые для эффективного взаимодействия индивида со средой.
Старое представление об эмоциях как эпифеноменальных, преходящих состояниях, не подлежащих научному исследованию, уже неприемлемо. На смену ему пришел функциональный подход, который расширяет наши знания об эмоциях, побуждает к исследованию их характеристик и функций. К счастью, функциональный подход начинает получать распространение и среди нейрофизиологов, исследования которых станут фундаментом науки, связывающей воедино эмоции и функции конкретных мозговых структур и процессов.
На сегодняшний день выработаны общие подходы к некоторым центральным вопросам теории эмоций. Так, например, достигнуто общее согласие по четырем важнейшим теоретическим посылкам. Во-первых, общепризнанно, что эмоциональная экспрессия выполняет важные коммуникативные функции, что особенно очевидно проявляется в раннем детстве. Во-вторых, все ученые согласны с тем, что эмоциональные переживания влияют на восприятие, мышление и поведение. В-третьих, эмоции лежат в основе социальных связей и являются интегральными составляющими теории темперамента и личности. В-четвертых, исследование эмоций и их функций в различных возрастных группах необходимо не только для понимания нормального развития личности, но также для диагностики и лечения психических нарушений. Эмпирические исследования, все более многочисленные и разнообразные, подтверждают истинность этих четырех посылок, на которых построены все основные теории эмоций.
В заключение несколько слов о позитивных эмоциях. Уже давно психологи предполагали, что позитивные эмоции таят в себе целительные силы широкого спектра, применимые как в отношении физического самочувствия, так и в смысле повышения эффективности интеллектуальной деятельности. Теперь эти предположения уже нельзя считать абстрактной гипотезой. В данном учебнике представлены надежные доказательства, подтверждающие догадку о том, что позитивные эмоции способствуют целому ряду конструктивных психологических свойств, таких как креативность, альтруистическое поведение и др.

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